Monday, August 07, 2006

The Plans

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


Today I am struggling...well more of a wrestling I guess....about the plans God has for me....my purpose....my call....I'm seeing a pattern....and I'm not totally comfortable with it....a pattern of me being somewhere that I wouldn't normally be....and then at that place something happens.....and it's clear to me that is why I am there....but it's not to share news of joy or glad tidings....it's to share pain, fear, anguish......I'm feeling like my call is being the Bearer of Bad News....

In the last year I can think of 4 instances that are huge....

First and foremost - Tim's accident. A few of you know that story.....God's hand in placing me there was and is evident....but it still....it still.....there aren't even words for what it is so I am not even going to try right now.

Second - the young man trying to commit suicide at Christmas time....I blogged about that

Third - the young girl in the International Market Place....blogged about that too

And now - being somewhere to do something celebratory with my husband....seeing an old friend doing something he should never be doing in the first place.....feeling the burden of knowing I have to share this news with my dear friend and then actually having to tell her. It totally sucks...knowing you have to tell a friend something that is going to hurt her....I hate it!

None of these things are happy....."um yes, your daughter has been assaulted at the market"...."someone is trying to jump off the freeway"......

So yesterday at church I was sharing some of this with another close friend who I trust implicitly and she is always straight up honest with me.....she said, "You know you're doing what you are supposed to do. You are feeling the prompting and acting on it." I know that....but I don't want to be "Oh look, hear comes Julie, wonder what crappy awful thing has happened now."

I was led to this verse this morning

I advise you to obey only the Holy Spirit's instructions. He will tell you where to go and what to do, and then you won't always be doing the wrong things your evil nature wants you to. For we naturally love to do evil things that are just the opposite from the things that the Holy Spirit tells us to do; and the good things we want to do when the Spirit has his way with us are just the opposite of our natural desires. These two forces within us are constantly fighting each other to win control over us, and our wishes are never free from their pressures. Galatians 5:16-17

So today the forces are fighting inside of me.....guess I'm feeling sorry for myself that I didn't inherit the gift of hospitality or even speaking in tongues!

9 comments:

Chrissie said...

The best way to know if the Holy Ghost is speaking to you (IMHO) is to pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, and ask a specific question (it's hard to tell if the Spirit is saying "yes, do this" or "no, don't do that" if you haven't asked a quesiton, sometimes). Decide first what your question is...pray...ask the question...and then stay on your knees and listen really hard (with your heart) to the promptings. You'll know what to do. And you'll feel peace too.

In my experience, if you feel confused or unsure about a thing, then it's not right. The Holy Ghost speaks peace, not confusion and fear.

HTH

Monica Kornfeld said...

Sounds like a tough decision to make, Julie. I know you will choose to do what's right and even if it turns out to be something that will hurt *now*, you also have to think of how it would hurt more later.
I know the feeling of being the bad news bearer. It seems the negative stuff stays with us longer... think of all the good feelings you've created in between, too. Probably today when you told someone you loved them. :)
*hugs*

chanel said...

wow ... its powerful stuff. You know what tho, even tho its hard things - you have to feel sort of "special" as it takes a special person to stand up and do the hard stuff - its much easier to walk away and do nothing. So I admire all those hard things you have had to bear, it shows how strong you are - and i agree with Chrissie - pray alot about it. take care and thanks for your comment on my blog

Catherine said...

Deep stuff here today, Julie! There are purposes and plans in life. Be open to where you're supposed to be and what you're supposed to be doing. Sometimes we don't know the reasoning behind it, but we have the opportunity to comfort or influence.

Bonni said...

oh wow Julie...sorry to hear this. Can't offer up any great words of wisdom about this but HUGS!!

Julie O said...

The good thing in this is that you have seen that this is the pattern "call" that you have been given. The Holy Spirit is speaking to you and PRAISE GOD you hear it. We don't always like what we are dealt (hardly ever actually) but we must obey. What a great example to the kids of obedience. You can't go wrong, since you are walking within your pattern that you don't understand, yet have still chosen to obey.

simplyliz said...

I"m thinking of the movie Brother Bear... didn't like his gift, but at the end of things it totally made sense. I am so glad that you are close to God and struggle with such things because I know your deepest desire is to hear His voice and do His will. You are amazing, even when you have bad news.

Just a thought... said...

It seems to me that you have been called to be a comforter/ interceder not the bearer of bad news. Keep on being what you are called, where you are called. Comforters are more valuable than those who can celebrate with us. Celebraters are easy to find! Sincerity and comfort in pain is the thing many people run from and you are being called to run to someone's aid in their difficulty. That's God for you, sending a "Julie" at just the right moment.

Anita said...

I choose to think that being the bearer of bad news for these instances was, in a way, a gift. Even though it tears at your soul, someone knew you were the right person to be at those places at those times. Most people wouldn't bother to get involved. It makes sense to send someone in to do a job that you know has the character to do it, and you are that person. He put his trust in you, knowing you would do the right thing and you did. Though these things hurt to go through, being there tested your character and you now have the gift of knowing without a doubt just how strong a person you can be and that you really will do what is right even when it's the harder path to take. Look at me writing a book. I hope things improve for you and you have some "lighter" days soon.